My inescapable journey

So to complicated matters even worse. Had an appointment today to see my oncologist and she has advised me against having the ‘EC’ type of chemotherapy at this moment  as it affects the heart and pending me taking medication and seeing the cardiologist.  So I’ll be having paclitaxol every 12 weeks, and 4 of those infusions I’ll be having carboplatin alongside it! Starting on Tuesday 29th October 2019!  I also had my injection today in my tummy called Zoladex to  Preserve my ovaries. I’ve never seen a needle so big in my life.  FEELINGS?  I’m absolutely so overwhelmed and happy in a weird way that this heart thing has been spotted!  If I hadn’t of had this CT scan, and a full body MOT then this wouldn’t of been picked and something could of gone wrong later in life! I am feeling so anxious pending tomorrow’s first round of chemotherapy, so much so I’m maybe being too blasé about it. I even went to the pub the other night and was laughing j...

This is one of the reasons I am fighting what I am doing. She is my world. Erin Olivia - you will never truly remember much of this as your so young but you have literally been amazing. You recognise mummy’s ouchie - my bruised breast from the biopsy when we bath together. She kisses her hand and pats my breast. Every. Time. When I went to my appointments and I had to leave you with nonnie, nanna tee or auntie Ria to go get my ‘ouchie’ looked at. You kiss it better and give me a cuddle. For someone who is barely 2&1/2 you know an awful lot that you shouldn’t maybe know. Tonight I showed you my bandage around my picc and said mummy has a new ‘ouchie’ to make her big ‘ouchie’ better and you gave me extra cushions on the sofa and you tucked my blanket in. You are my saviour. I sat watching you snuggled on the sofa with your daddy realising I am the luckiest woman on this earth to have you two. I’ve just been up to tuck you in, and I could sit here all night and wat...

So it’s made me think a lot about people’s mental health issues. Yesterday was mental health day. My Instagram feed was covered in people’s post about their own personal issues but it highlighted to me some rather important things.  I’m glad people are talking about their issues and people are aware more of their feelings/moods. But I sometimes think that people don’t think about what they post.  Since being diagnosed with stage 2 triple negative breast cancer my mood has turned to shit.  I have never felt so lonely but surrounded by people constantly and the constant on pouring of love is amazing.  I decided to go to the hairdressers and cut all my hair off. 7.5” to be exact because I knew that my chemotherapy is going to cause hair loss. Hurrah for loosing pubic hair though. What a saving that will be on waxing. But I’m all seriousness I am scared and I may joke about it but it’s my way of dealing with the fact I am scared shitless.  I’m scared of the ...

I’m so over being a failed pin cushion.  So today was supposed to be the surgery part to have my PICC line fitted.  A PICC (peripherally inserted central catheter) is a long, thin, flexible tube. It is used to give chemotherapy, other medicines (like contrast dye for CT scans) and can be used for taking bloods. It is supposed to go into a vein above the bend of your elbow and it stays in place until my treatment is over. The ultrasound that he did to find a vein. The black mass around the 2nd cross up is What he was trying to look into! So because of the nature of my small veins. It wasn’t able to be inserted today. I have to go back on Friday and attempt again. I don’t know what I need to do to be able to get my veins suitable to be big enough. I feel like there must be something I can do? Maybe I’ll just drink a lot more than 3 pints and a cuppa tea. If anyone has any idea then please tell me!! My arm is killing me! I didn’t feel much as the...

So today I had my appointment to meet my oncologist. She seemed really pleasant and nice.She confirmed that I have ‘Triple Negative Breast Cancer.’ I had no idea what that meant, so I googled it! 😂 Google said “ Triple negative breast cancer is an uncommon type of breast cancer. Some women with triple negative breast cancer also have a BRCA1 gene fault. ” That’s me! 🤷🏻‍♀️ She talked about the different medicines in the chemotherapy and the side effects and gave me a million bits of paperwork and leaflets on the medicines. The chemotherapy I’ll be having are: EC - which is made up of Epirubicin and Cyclophosphamide. I will have 4 lots of this dose every 2/3 weeks. Carboplatin - several of these over a few months Paclitaxel - which will be given every week for 12 weeks   Alongside this I will be having an injection called Zoladex which will be used to preserve fertility during chemotherapy. As chemo damages the ovaries, this injection acts by temporarily ‘shuts...

So I’m prone to a bit of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Blade trilogy and vampire films. But when a DR/nurse tells you you have such small veins, I didn’t expect to relate to my favourite fanged people as I do right now.  As part of my treatment before starting chemotherapy they needed to do a mammogram, CT scan and MRI scan.  Tonight was my 1st ever CT scan.  I turned up at the hospital on time, to be told you need to drink 7 cups of water.  They then try to fit a cannula into my arm but struggle initially as I have such small veins. Or a lack of.  The nurse then finds a vein and inserts a cannula to which I responded “that’s a bit sore..” she replied “they do to begin with, but you’ll be okay..” Add tube for the contrast dye, start machine going and then hear all the clicking of the doughnut CT scan machine whirring around. Then all of a sudden I hear “stop stop stop” and everyone comes rushing in.  That was when the tears started. I was like wha...