Break my achy breaky heart!
So to complicated matters even worse.
Had an appointment today to see my oncologist and she has advised me against having the ‘EC’ type of chemotherapy at this moment as it affects the heart and pending me taking medication and seeing the cardiologist.
So I’ll be having paclitaxol every 12 weeks, and 4 of those infusions I’ll be having carboplatin alongside it! Starting on Tuesday 29th October 2019!
I also had my injection today in my tummy called Zoladex to Preserve my ovaries. I’ve never seen a needle so big in my life.
FEELINGS?
I’m absolutely so overwhelmed and happy in a weird way that this heart thing has been spotted!
If I hadn’t of had this CT scan, and a full body MOT then this wouldn’t of been picked and something could of gone wrong later in life!
I am feeling so anxious pending tomorrow’s first round of chemotherapy, so much so I’m maybe being too blasé about it. I even went to the pub the other night and was laughing joking it all off. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so anxious, because I keep brushing how I actually feel under the carpet? I should maybe be more honest and be like. No. I’m actually scared shitless. Scared that I might die. Scared that it will come back again and again and again. Scared I won’t see Erin grow up, scared that I’ve lost all this time with James when all I want is a future. BUT I can’t think like that or I’ve let cancer won my mind! It sure as hell will not win my body.
Weirdly enough I’ve still not properly cried. I think I’m trying to keep some normal and be the normal mum I can be to Erin and be the normal fiancée to James. But it’s starting to get real now.
So real.
Had an appointment today to see my oncologist and she has advised me against having the ‘EC’ type of chemotherapy at this moment as it affects the heart and pending me taking medication and seeing the cardiologist.
So I’ll be having paclitaxol every 12 weeks, and 4 of those infusions I’ll be having carboplatin alongside it! Starting on Tuesday 29th October 2019!
I also had my injection today in my tummy called Zoladex to Preserve my ovaries. I’ve never seen a needle so big in my life.
FEELINGS?
I’m absolutely so overwhelmed and happy in a weird way that this heart thing has been spotted!
If I hadn’t of had this CT scan, and a full body MOT then this wouldn’t of been picked and something could of gone wrong later in life!
I am feeling so anxious pending tomorrow’s first round of chemotherapy, so much so I’m maybe being too blasé about it. I even went to the pub the other night and was laughing joking it all off. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling so anxious, because I keep brushing how I actually feel under the carpet? I should maybe be more honest and be like. No. I’m actually scared shitless. Scared that I might die. Scared that it will come back again and again and again. Scared I won’t see Erin grow up, scared that I’ve lost all this time with James when all I want is a future. BUT I can’t think like that or I’ve let cancer won my mind! It sure as hell will not win my body.
Weirdly enough I’ve still not properly cried. I think I’m trying to keep some normal and be the normal mum I can be to Erin and be the normal fiancée to James. But it’s starting to get real now.
So real.
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