1/12
29/10/19
Today is round 1/12. Paclitaxol & Carboplatin. I am so anxious today it’s unreal, I feel like I need a cigarette to calm my nerves but never actually smoked. The infusion itself wasn’t as bad. The nurse explained every drug that was going in to me prior as you have to have a lot of pre-meds before the infusion begins. They first of all did a flush line of my PICC for 25mins of just saline. They then give a cocktail of medication. One is an antihistamine, and some steroids to help with the sickness/lining of the stomach. This is all infused into my drip. They also give another type to line the stomach and another type of anti-sickness in tablet form. After all the premeds have done, they then do another flush of the line which takes about 20/25mins. After that they hooked up bag 1. Bag 1 takes about an hour to go through the body, so we binged on some Netflix and I played some games on my phone. I felt quite drowsy because of the antihistamine and just ensures that I kept drinking plenty. I found it also helped to snack on dry biscuits like rich tea to help with the energy levels. The only problem was, because of the amount of fluid going into my body and the water I was sipping, I kept going to the toilet! once this bag was done, another flush for 25mins and then onto bag 2 which again will take about an hour! after this bag was complete, it was then a final 25mins flush and then complete. Round 1 was done!
The nurse then came over and explained all these medications I will need to be taking. There was some more steroids in tablet form to take for a few days after surgery, then there was some anti sickness to take and then also injections called filgratism which are self loaded needles to inject in my tummy. This is to help rebuild the white blood cells post chemotherapy preparing for the next round!
Overall I feel okay, it’s not now I know I will feel the symptoms. But I feel very drowsy and a bit sleepy. So I went home and had a nice early night!
30/10/19
God I feel like crap today. I have never felt so nauseous in all my life. It’s like going back to early morning pregnancy symptoms!!!! The constant feeling has not left my side today! I have drank loads and snacked lots on rich tea biscuits! takes me back to my pregnancy days! My body is incredibly tired, the way to explain is like having the flu and every bit of you is achy sore. I’m not sure if this is the normal? 🤷🏻♀️ but I will check with my nurse next week! I have found myself having a few naps today and just being lazy and monging around the house to try and combat the feeling of ‘am I going to be sick or not?’
I was not expecting to feel like this already, it’s not even been 24hours and these symptoms are none like the other!
31/10/19
Today was even worse! I’m not going to sugar coat it, because it won’t get me anywhere. But everyone will have a different journey. I feel like I am absolutely ‘out of it’ like as i can only compare it to when I had my drink spiked many of years ago, and had no idea what is going on. Everything feels like a dream and not real. I have absolutely listened to my body today and done nothing but sleep/nap/lay/rest/drink/snack on little things. My body is not aching so much today like yesterday but I can absolutely say I am knackered. I went to bed at 7:30pm as I couldn’t stomach being awake anymore. Then woke up at 2am and was being sick until the early morning. It wasn’t a lot of sick, but still sick sick. Today is not a good day. On the plus, I did watch Hocus Pocus twice!
01/11/19
After being sick, I feel a bit better. I still feel out of it and my body is aching, but I think that was more to me being sick and tummy muscles hurting etc. I’m not as dozed and confused as I have been, and only had the 1 nap today. I had a nice semi bath and hair wash today, was expecting my hair to fall out but it didn’t! Also a friend popped round today, so I had some conversation today.
02/11/19
So today was a bit better, I got out the house and had a little walk around and even managed some playtime with Erin which was nice. I mostly sat on the floor and played with the toy kitchen making chips and grape stew. Yum. Tonight I have my cousins dance show that she puts on every year, so I am going to make an appearance at that and get out the house if my body will let me! I feel okay today, still feeling knackered and nauseous, but I feel I have a bit of life back. I haven’t managed to get any time in at work, but they have been amazing and very understanding.
The show was amazing, well done MCSOD! I started to get very hungry during the interval and was starting to feel very hot and clammy in the Kings Theatre, but I snacked on my biscuits and full fat cola to keep it through. The other half told me there was dinner waiting for when I got home! As soon as I got home, I was a bit sick, only a tiny bit but then ate my dinner and took some anti-sickness meds and went up to bed. Today was definitely a good day!
03/11/19
So today, was a crap morning. I felt like utter shit this morning. My body was hurting like no business. The feeling of nauseousness has gone away come 11ish after some breakfast. We decided To have a little walk down the beach and get some fresh air. Which was perfect, I felt amazing after. We took our time, the tide was out and Erin had all the sand in the world to run around in and splash in the water with her wellies! James and I just walked along not worrying about anything. The weather was perfect too, not cold or too hot but just nice breeze to blow away the cobwebs haha! After our walk along the beach we stopped off and had some lunch which was lovely. I have noticed that I start to feel very sick when I’m due a feeding. Really like being pregnant lol! Once we came home it was pretty much Erin’s bedtime routine, and it felt good to be able to participate and get involved in her bath time and play with her in the bath and get her changed to bed. Tomorrow I am Definitely going to attempt going back to work for a bit of normality. I feel like today was amazing health wise, apart from becoming a HANGRY monster and feeling nauseous if I need a feed, I need to get my brain working a little bit. So I’m going to see what tomorrow begins.
04/11/19
Woke up feeling fine and fresh and happy and positive. Well happy ish about the prospect of going back to work today. Work today was interesting, I was massive greeted by so much love from my peers and everyone was happy to see me but then also they were all so concerned about why I was back. It’s hard to explain when you use work to help with your mental health wellbeing. I need to work, my brain goes crazy if I’m not actively doing anything. I am sometimes my own worse enemy, but If I struggle I know what to do and to listen to my body. I took it at my own pace today, everyone is so understanding and are like if you just need to sit down, sit down, if you need a drink, go get one, if you need food, go get some. So that was good that everyone was accommodating of me and happy to let me do what I need. It got to about 2 and I had had enough, my body was hurting and I was getting rather sleepy. Normally I would have a little power nap, but instead I changed up my job and did some admin style work and was sat in the office making phone calls and doing paperwork. I did last the whole day, but I am feeling the burn now. I have had no symptoms today like the last few days. When I felt nauseous I had a drink and a little snack, and when I was hungry I ate something bigger. When I was tired and hurting, I listened to my body and then sat down for a bit and did something proactive. I’m so glad that my job allows me to do all these things so I can relax a bit at work but still feel like I’m showing some effort.
I am one of those people, that has been incredibly loyal to one company from 2007-present. I rarely take time off sick, if I do it is either childcare issues, or I genuinely am unwell. I worked up until 36 weeks pregnant and came back early off maternity because I was going insane! I feel some guilt that I have had all this time off, so I feel like I should make effort and work. Also I worry about what other people think of me at work and my boss! He always says don’t worry, we are covered. But still there is that tiny bit of guilt/anxiety when I don’t go in. I’m glad I did go in and show my face because I feel better for it.
Now time to relax for tomorrow and round 2/12!
The nurse then came over and explained all these medications I will need to be taking. There was some more steroids in tablet form to take for a few days after surgery, then there was some anti sickness to take and then also injections called filgratism which are self loaded needles to inject in my tummy. This is to help rebuild the white blood cells post chemotherapy preparing for the next round!
Overall I feel okay, it’s not now I know I will feel the symptoms. But I feel very drowsy and a bit sleepy. So I went home and had a nice early night!
30/10/19
God I feel like crap today. I have never felt so nauseous in all my life. It’s like going back to early morning pregnancy symptoms!!!! The constant feeling has not left my side today! I have drank loads and snacked lots on rich tea biscuits! takes me back to my pregnancy days! My body is incredibly tired, the way to explain is like having the flu and every bit of you is achy sore. I’m not sure if this is the normal? 🤷🏻♀️ but I will check with my nurse next week! I have found myself having a few naps today and just being lazy and monging around the house to try and combat the feeling of ‘am I going to be sick or not?’
I was not expecting to feel like this already, it’s not even been 24hours and these symptoms are none like the other!
31/10/19
Today was even worse! I’m not going to sugar coat it, because it won’t get me anywhere. But everyone will have a different journey. I feel like I am absolutely ‘out of it’ like as i can only compare it to when I had my drink spiked many of years ago, and had no idea what is going on. Everything feels like a dream and not real. I have absolutely listened to my body today and done nothing but sleep/nap/lay/rest/drink/snack on little things. My body is not aching so much today like yesterday but I can absolutely say I am knackered. I went to bed at 7:30pm as I couldn’t stomach being awake anymore. Then woke up at 2am and was being sick until the early morning. It wasn’t a lot of sick, but still sick sick. Today is not a good day. On the plus, I did watch Hocus Pocus twice!
01/11/19
After being sick, I feel a bit better. I still feel out of it and my body is aching, but I think that was more to me being sick and tummy muscles hurting etc. I’m not as dozed and confused as I have been, and only had the 1 nap today. I had a nice semi bath and hair wash today, was expecting my hair to fall out but it didn’t! Also a friend popped round today, so I had some conversation today.
02/11/19
So today was a bit better, I got out the house and had a little walk around and even managed some playtime with Erin which was nice. I mostly sat on the floor and played with the toy kitchen making chips and grape stew. Yum. Tonight I have my cousins dance show that she puts on every year, so I am going to make an appearance at that and get out the house if my body will let me! I feel okay today, still feeling knackered and nauseous, but I feel I have a bit of life back. I haven’t managed to get any time in at work, but they have been amazing and very understanding.
The show was amazing, well done MCSOD! I started to get very hungry during the interval and was starting to feel very hot and clammy in the Kings Theatre, but I snacked on my biscuits and full fat cola to keep it through. The other half told me there was dinner waiting for when I got home! As soon as I got home, I was a bit sick, only a tiny bit but then ate my dinner and took some anti-sickness meds and went up to bed. Today was definitely a good day!
03/11/19
04/11/19
Woke up feeling fine and fresh and happy and positive. Well happy ish about the prospect of going back to work today. Work today was interesting, I was massive greeted by so much love from my peers and everyone was happy to see me but then also they were all so concerned about why I was back. It’s hard to explain when you use work to help with your mental health wellbeing. I need to work, my brain goes crazy if I’m not actively doing anything. I am sometimes my own worse enemy, but If I struggle I know what to do and to listen to my body. I took it at my own pace today, everyone is so understanding and are like if you just need to sit down, sit down, if you need a drink, go get one, if you need food, go get some. So that was good that everyone was accommodating of me and happy to let me do what I need. It got to about 2 and I had had enough, my body was hurting and I was getting rather sleepy. Normally I would have a little power nap, but instead I changed up my job and did some admin style work and was sat in the office making phone calls and doing paperwork. I did last the whole day, but I am feeling the burn now. I have had no symptoms today like the last few days. When I felt nauseous I had a drink and a little snack, and when I was hungry I ate something bigger. When I was tired and hurting, I listened to my body and then sat down for a bit and did something proactive. I’m so glad that my job allows me to do all these things so I can relax a bit at work but still feel like I’m showing some effort.
I am one of those people, that has been incredibly loyal to one company from 2007-present. I rarely take time off sick, if I do it is either childcare issues, or I genuinely am unwell. I worked up until 36 weeks pregnant and came back early off maternity because I was going insane! I feel some guilt that I have had all this time off, so I feel like I should make effort and work. Also I worry about what other people think of me at work and my boss! He always says don’t worry, we are covered. But still there is that tiny bit of guilt/anxiety when I don’t go in. I’m glad I did go in and show my face because I feel better for it.
Now time to relax for tomorrow and round 2/12!
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