So this weekend, I told
So telling people is one of the hardest things.
Explaining that actually you may/may not be around in the next few months whilst you battle constant hospital appointments etc. & then the inevitable chemotherapy starting. I mean how will people react if I rock up at the local and I have no hair/wig/head scarf.
My lads, who are 4 guys who have been my friends since school and I went to dinner on the 27th. I had spoken to them on the phone individually and explained what was going on but I want to see them all.
My closest lad, Matt, who is normally the joker of the group, was beside himself. I love him dearly but when he starts to cry, I can’t handle it and I want to cry.
I haven’t had much of a chance to cry, I guess because I have been working full time and also being a mum and a fiancée etc and trying to keep the house afloat. But I couldn’t help but shrewd a tear tonight at dinner.
I promised him that I was okay, and that everything is going to be okay. As long as they are around me then I have nothing to fear.
I need to learn that it is okay to
Express your emotions. You are allowed to feel these things and feel scared. I am too busy trying to put on a brave face and a front at work, at home. When deep down I’m crumbling!
On the Saturday, we had another leaving do. This was for a friend who is a paratrooper and he is away for the next 6months. It was a “let’s go to Wetherspoons, then town.” Which I was up for!
But then when it came to getting ready, I had all the wobbles.
It was me curling my hair, that caused me to have a cry. When I mentioned it to my other half, he said it’s okay, your still gonna be beautiful and it will all grow back. But I don’t want to loose this hair. It’s taken me forever to grow it this long 😭
We went to the pub and as soon as I got there I immediately felt anxious. Not a lot of the people there know about my diagnosis, but there was about 5/6 of our close friends that did. People were openly chatting like “how’s wedding planning going?” “Oh my god your hair is so long!” “Will you keep it long for the wedding.”
I didn’t really know what to say. I drank my gin and answered the questions politely and Deep down I wanted to burst into tears.
It hit me that night. Of all nights I’ve sat at home watching Masterchef on my own, that I have cancer. I will be having treatment pretty soon. These friends will/will not be seeing me on our random pub nights.
One of our closest friends asked if I was ok, which splurged tear build up.
It’s all becoming so real.
Appointment after appointment.
I had a letter today saying to see the oncologist on Thursday 3rd October.
I think that’s why I have been feeling anxious and sad, because I know at that appointment I will know more.
Explaining that actually you may/may not be around in the next few months whilst you battle constant hospital appointments etc. & then the inevitable chemotherapy starting. I mean how will people react if I rock up at the local and I have no hair/wig/head scarf.
My lads, who are 4 guys who have been my friends since school and I went to dinner on the 27th. I had spoken to them on the phone individually and explained what was going on but I want to see them all.
My closest lad, Matt, who is normally the joker of the group, was beside himself. I love him dearly but when he starts to cry, I can’t handle it and I want to cry.
I haven’t had much of a chance to cry, I guess because I have been working full time and also being a mum and a fiancée etc and trying to keep the house afloat. But I couldn’t help but shrewd a tear tonight at dinner.
I promised him that I was okay, and that everything is going to be okay. As long as they are around me then I have nothing to fear.
I need to learn that it is okay to
Express your emotions. You are allowed to feel these things and feel scared. I am too busy trying to put on a brave face and a front at work, at home. When deep down I’m crumbling!
On the Saturday, we had another leaving do. This was for a friend who is a paratrooper and he is away for the next 6months. It was a “let’s go to Wetherspoons, then town.” Which I was up for!
But then when it came to getting ready, I had all the wobbles.
It was me curling my hair, that caused me to have a cry. When I mentioned it to my other half, he said it’s okay, your still gonna be beautiful and it will all grow back. But I don’t want to loose this hair. It’s taken me forever to grow it this long 😭
We went to the pub and as soon as I got there I immediately felt anxious. Not a lot of the people there know about my diagnosis, but there was about 5/6 of our close friends that did. People were openly chatting like “how’s wedding planning going?” “Oh my god your hair is so long!” “Will you keep it long for the wedding.”
I didn’t really know what to say. I drank my gin and answered the questions politely and Deep down I wanted to burst into tears.
It hit me that night. Of all nights I’ve sat at home watching Masterchef on my own, that I have cancer. I will be having treatment pretty soon. These friends will/will not be seeing me on our random pub nights.
One of our closest friends asked if I was ok, which splurged tear build up.
It’s all becoming so real.
Appointment after appointment.
I had a letter today saying to see the oncologist on Thursday 3rd October.
I think that’s why I have been feeling anxious and sad, because I know at that appointment I will know more.
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