Friday 13th - unlucky for some.
It all started with a normal Monday morning 09-09 to be precise. Erin woke up, got into our bed for our morning family cuddle. The impending doom of work at 8:30 today for 45minutes full of staff training was upon me. I thought i best have my shower now before Erin gets too needy and wont let me go. Jump in shower, having a whale of a time singing out loud. Thought I'd better have a check of my breast as i usually do every week and BOOM.
I felt a lump.
It felt more like a mass I guess, not perfectly spherical. But unusual. Where the frick has this come from? I checked a week ago and nothing... Must be because I'm due on and hormonal, my boobs hurt etc etc. All the usual signs. I ask the other half, feel this lump? His response? Meh feels like a normal boob. They really don't know do they?
I phoned the GP and they said can you come back at 9:30 today? Carry on my morning routine, drive to work, let the manager know etc etc. Arrive at GP surgery, she has a feel and says i can definitely feel something, but as you are positive for BRCA1, ill refer you to breast clinic urgently and they will do a mammogram to rule anything out.
Off i plod to work, thinking nothing else.
Letter arrives. An appointment has been mace for you to see the breast clinic on 13-09-19.Wow that was quick.
Arrive to appointment.
Meet DR - explain family history and She did an examination and by god was it an examination. She squeezed my nipples harder then i squeeze my blackheads. Measured the lump and said we need to do an ultrasound but we cannot do it today. I’ll speak to them now and see if they can early next week. Because of the BRCA, i don’t want to leave it. I was so blasé about the whole thing, i was laughing and joking. The DR comes back, they have agreed to see you today, will just be between and i will see you afterward is that ok? Of course i said, again blasé.
I sit in the waiting room, surrounded by women in their mid 40's plus, all waiting for their annual mammogram. No longer than 20minutes, i was called in. The ultrasound they did was pretty much what they do when you have a pregnancy ultrasound. If you haven’t had one, ill explain. The put freezing ass cold jelly on your body and scan. So this went on my boob. And it was cold. They put a bit of pressure on you when they do these scans, not like what you see on the TV/movies. He then scanned under my arm, i was like shit should of shaved. He didn’t laugh... He then said, i need to take a biopsy is that ok? Sure i replied.. again... blasé... He said he would use a local anaesthetic to numb the area. But I swear he DID not use enough, because i could feel everything. He then said I found a small lump under your arm which I’ll need to biopsy.. Brilliant here we go again, numbing in (or lack of) and he took that biopsy. Those biopsies absolutely brought tears to my eyes.
Back to waiting area, another hour wait.
Get called back in to the DR office and she sits down and says, everything ok? I was like erm, ouch? She laughed, she asked if i had been told anything, i said no. She got up the scans and before she could even get down to read the word i read at first glance. She explains.
"The reason i got you in so urgently, i felt it to be abnormal. I didn't want to alarm you, but i needed to act sooner rather than later. The biopsy that was taken will be sent off - lets make an appointment for next Thursdays and we can discuss things better. I am going to give you some leaflets about treatments and options as we will need to discuss things further." She gives me a wad of leaflets..
I look at the leaflets and ask "Due to the leaflets your giving me, does this mean you are 99.9% sure it is breast cancer?"
"I cant say 99.9% BUT I'm 90% sure." She replied.
That moment was when my world changed.
The drive home was quiet.
My mum left and was quiet.
My other half came home from work early.
His mum came home.
I sat explaining but my mindset was elsewhere. I couldn’t think straight.
Why me. Why now? Our wedding? Mortgage?
I went to lay in bed joined by James.
He had a little cry and so did I.
We brushed off our shoulders and went to pick Erin up from nursery.
Normal evening routine but felt like it was extra special having these cuddles before bed.
PICTURE
I felt a lump.
It felt more like a mass I guess, not perfectly spherical. But unusual. Where the frick has this come from? I checked a week ago and nothing... Must be because I'm due on and hormonal, my boobs hurt etc etc. All the usual signs. I ask the other half, feel this lump? His response? Meh feels like a normal boob. They really don't know do they?
I phoned the GP and they said can you come back at 9:30 today? Carry on my morning routine, drive to work, let the manager know etc etc. Arrive at GP surgery, she has a feel and says i can definitely feel something, but as you are positive for BRCA1, ill refer you to breast clinic urgently and they will do a mammogram to rule anything out.
Off i plod to work, thinking nothing else.
11-09-19
Letter arrives. An appointment has been mace for you to see the breast clinic on 13-09-19.Wow that was quick.
13-09-19
Arrive to appointment.
Meet DR - explain family history and She did an examination and by god was it an examination. She squeezed my nipples harder then i squeeze my blackheads. Measured the lump and said we need to do an ultrasound but we cannot do it today. I’ll speak to them now and see if they can early next week. Because of the BRCA, i don’t want to leave it. I was so blasé about the whole thing, i was laughing and joking. The DR comes back, they have agreed to see you today, will just be between and i will see you afterward is that ok? Of course i said, again blasé.
I sit in the waiting room, surrounded by women in their mid 40's plus, all waiting for their annual mammogram. No longer than 20minutes, i was called in. The ultrasound they did was pretty much what they do when you have a pregnancy ultrasound. If you haven’t had one, ill explain. The put freezing ass cold jelly on your body and scan. So this went on my boob. And it was cold. They put a bit of pressure on you when they do these scans, not like what you see on the TV/movies. He then scanned under my arm, i was like shit should of shaved. He didn’t laugh... He then said, i need to take a biopsy is that ok? Sure i replied.. again... blasé... He said he would use a local anaesthetic to numb the area. But I swear he DID not use enough, because i could feel everything. He then said I found a small lump under your arm which I’ll need to biopsy.. Brilliant here we go again, numbing in (or lack of) and he took that biopsy. Those biopsies absolutely brought tears to my eyes.
Back to waiting area, another hour wait.
Get called back in to the DR office and she sits down and says, everything ok? I was like erm, ouch? She laughed, she asked if i had been told anything, i said no. She got up the scans and before she could even get down to read the word i read at first glance. She explains.
"The reason i got you in so urgently, i felt it to be abnormal. I didn't want to alarm you, but i needed to act sooner rather than later. The biopsy that was taken will be sent off - lets make an appointment for next Thursdays and we can discuss things better. I am going to give you some leaflets about treatments and options as we will need to discuss things further." She gives me a wad of leaflets..
I look at the leaflets and ask "Due to the leaflets your giving me, does this mean you are 99.9% sure it is breast cancer?"
"I cant say 99.9% BUT I'm 90% sure." She replied.
That moment was when my world changed.
The drive home was quiet.
My mum left and was quiet.
My other half came home from work early.
His mum came home.
I sat explaining but my mindset was elsewhere. I couldn’t think straight.
Why me. Why now? Our wedding? Mortgage?
I went to lay in bed joined by James.
He had a little cry and so did I.
We brushed off our shoulders and went to pick Erin up from nursery.
Normal evening routine but felt like it was extra special having these cuddles before bed.
PICTURE
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